So, the whole point of this website was for me to have a little fun. It seems like this is not going to be the case, as you can see from this title it’s going to be a little on the sadder side. I am going to be talking about my experience with depression, how I have dealt/ how I am dealing with it, and maybe something more. This blog post isn’t me giving advice, and if I do, (because I’m just writing this as I go along ) please take it with a pinch of salt as
- I am not an expert
- What worked for me, might not necessarily work for someone else
A bit of a backstory
Depression is tough to recognise sometimes, I myself didn’t know the symptons (which to be honest could be different for different case) and that I was depressed. The only reason I knew I was suffering from depression and anxiety was because that is how I was diagnosed. In 2014/2015 I decided to seek help and guidance ( are help and guidance the same thing?) and that is when we really dove down deep.
Looking back, I guess it all started from when I was 16. Now, I am not saying I was depressed when I was 16 but I look at what happened in my life as a sort of snowball effect, where bottling up emotions, countless failures and backlash of bullying (which also gave me super low self esteem…YAYYYYY!!!) just built into this massive thing.
BTW: I gave my depression a persona and I call him “Depression Diego” (Screw you Diego).
I’ve had some pretty low lows from the age of 16 to 24 and obviously the lowest point in my life were those times when I thought of just ending it all. Suicide had been on my mind a lot, every other week I felt like the world would be better without me in it, or it would be easier if I just said bye and disappeared. Before you say anything, I did not live a difficult life. My family loved me immensely and I had a lot of friends. Now, at this point in my life I would never even consider those things anymore (no matter how hard it might get) because there are too many people who care about me and I don’t want to hurt them.
If you know of anyone that might be going through a bad spell and might be considering committing suicide, or it could be you yourself, there are a number of people you can talk to. Please visit this site: Kellimni or call 179
How I dealt with it
How did I deal with my depression? First of all, I got help, but before that I was lucky enough that I had some friends that pushed me to get this help. I think being able to talk to someone who was able to understand me and help me find some ways to cope with it was the best thing I could have done.
Was I terrified? Yes! People are scared to talk about depression or at least they were more scared 4-5 years ago, and I was one of them. I saw depression as something shameful and I didn’t want people to think of me any less than I already thought they did (the bar was already low in my mind).
I WANT TO CLARIFY THAT YOU SHOULD NOT BE ASHAMED TO TALK TO SOMEONE IF YOU THINK YOU OR A FRIEND OF YOURS MIGHT BE SUFFERING FROM SOMETHING SIMILAR. PLEASE IF YOU DO THINK YOU ARE OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION, PLEASE SEEK HELP.
Through therapy, a lot of things were pointed out to me about me:
- I am very emotional (OK, this wasn’t news) and it is nothing to be ashamed about.
- I am very empathetic. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, and this sucks because I am already emotional as it is, I don’t need other peoples feelings in my system (even if it is really helpful in understanding someone else)
- I overthink anything and everything, which leads to a spiral down into a panic attack (because I never overthink something into a good situation).
- I am unknowingly laugh when I am talking about something sad or hurtful about myself.
- I make jokes because I want people to smile and not feel what I was feeling.
- The symptoms of depression (want to point out that one of them was weight loss and I lost around 16kgs in around 3 months).
- Most importantly. I was not Unhappy. I don’t know how to explain this because it is a bit difficult to explain how I can be depressed and happy, but I was.
My therapist or counselor or whatever you want to call her, gave me tips on how to cope with those bad days.
- One of the things I had/have to do, is be optimistic and positive. Let me tell you, trying to find the good thing in certain situations is very difficult, but it works.
- Breathing is key. Slow, long breaths. Much harder than it sounds.
- And the most effective is just talking about what you’re feeling with someone. Surrounded myself with people I can talk to about it.
How am I now?
I’m good ta.
Jokes aside, I am actually good, but unfortunately this is something that never goes away completely. I still have those days, but I am confident enough in myself that I can use my coping mechanisms to help myself, and If not I know I have a lot of people that will come to my rescue if I call.
Once again: If you know of anyone that might be going through a bad spell and might be considering committing suicide, or it could be you yourself, there are a number of people you can talk to. Please visit this site: Kellimni or call 179
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