I’ve been silent for a long time, this is mostly due to the fact that I had decided to take a pause on this website so that I can focus on my Master’s dissertation. A lot of things have happened since Novemeber.
A bit of a backstory
As some of you may know, in 2018 I had started my Journey to get a Master’s in Strategic Management and Digital Marketing. Part of this course required me to write a dissertation. Unfortunately, certain events occurred and I had to change my dissertation topics twice. This meant that I needed to get an extension and extend my studies untill March 2020.
I had also failed some exams, which meant I had to sit for the them again in September. It was recommended to me by my supervisor and course director to focus on my examinations first (which I passed, thanks to support from my girlfriend) and then to resume my work (or in this case start from scratch) in October. Until mid-december everything seemed to be going well. I found a topic that was interesting and relatively simple enough to conduct research for. I had finished my proposal, and started off my literature review.
Christmas had passed and it was the beginning of January now. My literature review was almost done (or so I thought), my methodology section was next. It was at this time when things started going sour.
As I have mentioned in a previous article, I suffer from anxiety and had gone through a severe period of depression. On around the 6th of January (don’t know the date exactly) I started getting constant panic attacks. Anytime I thought about my dissertation I would become a useless mess. Eventually I had one of the worst breakdowns since 2015.
The worst thing about it all is that I ignored my own advice. I had mentioned in the article talking about my depressions that one of the things that helped me the most to get over bad periods was to talk about what is going on with someone I trust and care about. I did none of this, I didnt talk to my girlfriend, my close friends, my family, or even my supervisor about what I was going through.
I didn’t want to burden them with what I was going through. They all had big things going on at that moment and I didn’t want to ruin their happiness. So, I suffered in silence for a month, attempting to work on my dissertation while feeling like I’m drowning.
It was only until I found out a very close friend of mine (whose name will not be mentioned) was going through a similar experience at work that I decided to talk to everyone about what I was going through. Some of the people I spoke to were understandably annoyed that I decided to stay quiet about this.
Eventually, we came to the conclusion that it would be best if I don’t continue onwith my dissertation. It was not worth the trouble of getting another extension, and then fall into the same situation. This wasn’t an easy decision.
I have failed so many times in my life (basically from 2010 onwards was just a waterfall of failures), but I had never given up…and I haven’t given up. It’s true I might not have a Master’s to my name now, but I am not leaving empty handed. For my work throughout the course, I have been awarded a Post-Graduate Diploma for my work and studies. Granted, it’s not a Master’s but qualification wise it still holds the same level (EQF/MQF level 7).
I don’t regret my decision because I know that in the long run I am happier like this. And isn’t that the most important thing?
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